For the most part, I never had to experience the hideousness of racism. Now of course I've seen racist acts committed by other people…I mean living in south Georgia, that's just inevitable. But I personally never had to deal with racism face-to-face—until recently. It happened during my senior year in high school.
Throughout my high school years, I never asked a girl to prom. Mainly because I was a shy guy (although people who know me may say otherwise) and because I didn't feel like wasting time trying to think of a cheesy and cliche way to ask a girl to prom.
But during my senior year, I had a sudden craving to have that experience. I mean...why not? It was my last chance to do it.
I wanted to ask a girl who I’ve known since the 5th grade. We sat right next to each other in elementary school and we talked and played together every day during recess. I viewed her to be a true friend.
I remember coming back from a basketball game on a late Tuesday night. I was on the team bus, tired, sore, and couldn’t wait to get home to eat dinner with my family.
I suddenly heard my phone buzz, and it was a message from the very girl who I planned on asking to prom.
Butterflies filled my stomach, my heart started racing, and a smile formed on my face. As I continued reading, a wave of shock overwhelmed my body.
She said someone told her that I was planning on asking her. She continued to say that she couldn't go to prom with me because I was black. She told me that she feared what her future sorority sisters would ever think if they saw pictures of her going to prom with a back boy.
These words are coming from someone who I considered a lifelong friend--saying that she would be ashamed to be seen with me. But I still decided to go to prom. I still craved to have that experience. So, I rented a tux and decided to go by myself.
Initially, I was having a great time at prom. All the guys were in black tuxedos while the girls all wore long, colorful, sparkly dresses. I was singing with friends, laughing, dancing, and just making memories of our last year together in high school.
It was turning out to be everything I expected.
A slow song came on and everyone went to their dates to slow dance. I was in the back corner just enjoying my own company living in the moment.
But then I saw the girl who I was going to ask with her new date. My joyful, light spirit immediately changed to a dark humiliation. Seeing her reminded me why I was standing there in the corner alone.
All because of who I was.
The color of my skin.
My eyesight slowly became more and more blurry as tears began to fill them. I looked down at my twitchy hands and stared at my brown skin.
At that moment, I felt inadequate. Worthless….and almost embarrassed. It made me think, "Why did I even bother coming here?"
This experience made me question all of my friendships.
What do they really think about me?
Are any of my friendships even real?
It made me realize that people can shake your hand, smile in your face, hug you, and still be racist. It's hard to understand the people who say they love you but they're afraid of you at the same time.
It’s been over a year and I still think about that night from time to time. Even though she didn't accept me for who I was, my mom always taught me to never hold malice in my heart.
When I see her, I still speak to her. I still hug her. I still treat her with the same respect I always did. We must understand that racism comes from an ignorant place. It is a learned behavior that should never be taught. An idea that should never be embraced. A reality that should never exist.